She dropped her right finger into her glass, watching the wine form a tornado as she swirled. She envisioned a woman in a starch, white uniform reaching out to her from her glass, yellowed motel bed sheets torn from the corner of the bed, and in her left palm, she cradled a baby, naked and premature.
She swirled her finger harder, grinding the back of her teeth in sync with the swirling of the wine. Nurses, sheets, babies, sex, men, dirty bars, wine. nurses. . the images swirled through her mind as she raced her finger faster and faster around the glass.
"God damn it," she said to no one. "God damn it!"
The glass flew from beneath her finger and rolled onto the floor leaving a puddle of red by her feet, the glass unbroken.
The phone began to ring as she snatched up her jacket and shut the door behind her.
It was just starting to mist as she made her way down 22nd street. She pulled her hood over her head, shielding her face from the rain and from the five people gathered out in front of the building. They were chanting something in unison, she couldn't make sense of what they were saying. She didn't care. One woman extended a bright neon sign in her direction as she walked closer to the door. The woman's eyes glared through her. Anna tugged at her hood, blocking her view of
This imagery is great! Have you ever thought of writing something in the horror genre Caitlin? Seriously, you've got a great way of exploring Anna's psyche. Again though, as with Dayna and Garrard, I'm missing a sense of understanding. You've added some very poignant and interesting elements to our protagonist but still, I'm unsure what the main struggle is: why is Anna so tortured and laboring to find LP; why is she revisited by the nurses and the woman in the glass, etc? I feel like there's been a heck of a lot of build-up with little catharsis along the way as we approach the final unraveling. I'd like to see the next poster bring some of these loose ends together with 'telling'.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I completely agree with Melissa about your use of imagery - it's awesome. Also, it's good that you stopped mid-stream so the next poster can pick up in the middle of the same scene.
ReplyDeleteI implore the final two posters - no more riding the bus! Have Anna make a decision or come to a realization about something, anything - LP, her pregnancy, her troubled past, etc. Make us want to keep reading.
You are wonderful at setting. I got such a great visual of the spaces in which the story is taking place. I will second what Courtney says: no more buses unless she's hit by one. I think we've exhausted that trope. Otherwise, I can't wait to see the conclusion of this chapter and how it plays out.
ReplyDeleteNice post - can't wait to see how the chapter plays out! You did a great job keeping the voice consistent and moving the plot along. I love your descriptions!
ReplyDeleteGreat imagery! I like this. Esp the wine on the floor. A hint?
ReplyDeleteWine on the floor! Such thrilling potential for some crazy symbolism! Haha i agree with the no more busses idea. Nice job, Caitlin!
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