Anna tugged at her hood, blocking her view of their judgmental eyes. Anna broke into a run as the rain began to fall harder, her boots splashing dirty water onto the backs of her legs. She rushed into a building, shoving past the yelling doorman; though she had been here so many times that she knew he recognized her. Her lungs burned and the clutched the sharp pain in her side as she made her way up the stairs to the third floor. Anna hammered her fist on the door of apartment 308. She fell backwards against the wall as the first sob escaped from her throat.
The door opened slightly, and an eye appeared above the chain, “Anna? Holy shit, what happened to you?”
The door closed, the chain rattled, and Sabrina flung open the door and dragged Anna inside.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?”
Anna sank onto a white couch, shaking her head and trying to catch her breath.
“Let me get you a towel,” Sabrina said, “how about some coffee too?” She was out of the room before Anna could answer.
As Anna slowed her ragged breathing, she looked around the pristine apartment. The white furniture and brightly colored pillows seemed softly nestled within the warm caramel walls. Lamplight reflected off of framed photographs of Sabrina – Sabrina camping with her family, Sabrina holding a diploma in a graduation gown, Sabrina glowing in a white wedding dress. Anna had met Sabrina seven years ago while they were both working at a dirty neon club in the city; Anna had bills to pay, while Sabrina was rebelling against an oppressive, conservative family. Anna still could not believe they were friends, but despite all of their differences, they shared a bond over their painful pasts.
“Here Anna,” Sabrina offered her two fluffy towels, and set two steaming mugs on the coffee table. “Now, tell me what’s going on?”
Great set up of tensions, DeElla. I wonder where this scene is going. A confession, perhaps?
ReplyDeleteI'm so. very. glad. that Anna is finally settling in to talk to someone or to do something. Great addition, DeElla.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, DeElla! This sets us up for a much-needed info dump in the last segment of Chapter One. Good luck bringing everything together, Jill!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone. I think you've set the scene wonderfully for the final posting; I'm with Michael: I think this is a great way to elicit the 'hook' for the rest of the book...even if we never get to really develop it. I think Anna's about to have a big release and the reader will finally know what is going on. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteGreat job bringing in such a contrasting character to the picture. I love your descriptions of the white furniture. Jill, I think that your chapter would end well with some kind of spoken confession/ realization. What could it be...?
ReplyDeleteOh is this not the end?! haha! I thought this was a great ending to the chapter. Well, awesome, I'm looking forward to seeing what Jill will wrap up. I love how our minds all go to different places, but it always "works out" even better than we may have anticipated. Kudos.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great lead into the end. I like that you've introduced another character who should actually show up again in the novel. Definitely looking forward to reading what her confession will be tomorrow. I'm already anticipating a great end to the first chapter!
ReplyDeleteActually, I agree that this would have been a great chapter ending. But it is also a good transition into a confession scene. Now, someone finally tell us what's going on with this baby.
ReplyDeleteConfession ideas- she doesn't know who the dad is; she knows who the dad probably is and he's not a good person/someone who shouldn't be out and about making babies; she was raped; she got pregnant on purpose. Those are all the options that just ran through my head.
Have fun Jill.
Eric, you forgot 'a meteor is about to destroy all life on earth.' ;-)
ReplyDeleteLet the confessing begin! great move. :) Another "hook" is in store for us... I can't wait.
ReplyDelete