Anna took a few steps toward him, but he didn’t break his gaze.
“What are you looking at?” She asked, surprised that the words came out of her of her mouth.
The man took a step toward her and leaned close enough to whisper in her ear, “I know who you are. I don’t know how you live with yourself.”
“Fuck you,” Anna said and pushed her way past him.
He tried to follow her, but there were enough people around that Anna could get away. The last thing she needed was another damn missionary telling her to change her ways. The way they tell it, she was an eight year old with a dream of fucking people for money. Sure, she was interested in burlesque, fascinated by it really, but that’s not why she ended up a hooker. The two weren’t connected at all. Sampson City, Ohio didn’t have anything for her and when she left, she sold her body because she couldn’t find a job.
She found a seat on the bus and let out a deep breath. She put her hand on her stomach. She hoped she’d feel some sort of positive energy. Haunting nursing homes, hoping the nearness of death would make this pregnancy go away wasn’t working. A baby was growing inside of her no matter what she did. Her twenty-seven years of life told her that because she didn’t want this baby, it was going to a normal pregnancy and at the end of it, there was going to be a kid she had to deal with.
Hey folks,
ReplyDeleteI tried to start unwrapping the job knot. I answered the age question. Hope you like it.
I feel like we have a lot going on and we need to be slowing down and unpacking at this point. I know I back track and don't explore the LP or who the dad is, but the man on the bus seemed like an opportunity to jump on the what does she do train. I hope it's not too much of a stretch. I've heard tell of those things happening, so I figured why not.
If we're thinking in terms of knots and a first chapter though, we need to decide what knots need to be unwrapped in this chapter and what knots would be unwrapped more as the book progress. It sounds like the baby and LP are the central concerns of the book.. So let's decide what's important for chapter one and what does NOT need to be explained yet. Because the book goes on beyond this chapter.
Cheers,
Michelle
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ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you slowed down the pace and had an interaction between Anna and the man mentioned in Allie's previous post. Now we understand the answers to the following: how old is she (27), why take pregnancy tests in nursing homes (superstition), and her occupation (prostitute). I think one thing to unpack in the rest of the chapter is what she plans to do about the baby. It could be that she decides to have an abortion but something happens that changes her mind and makes her decide to keep the baby. That might make for an interesting first chapter conflict...
ReplyDeleteI like that you grounded this more firmly in reality and that you established her career, because I know everyone was getting a little antsy to have that resolved. I think it's particularly interesting that we have two professions that are both related to the body: one which is demeaning, and one which seems, in the case of Lady Pussycat, empowering. Can we play up this dynamic in some interesting ways?
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job with answering some of the more pertinent questions and moving the plot forward. Perhaps LP could be addressed a bit more in this chapter. There are already so many questions about her - Who is she? Where is she? Why is it so important that Anna finds her? I think it would be a good idea to answer at least one of these to bring her into the story and keep the reader interested.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for slowing the story down a bit! Since Anna is the central character, we need to be careful to present her in a way that she's not completely defined by her relationship with other people (i.e. LP, baby daddy, even the baby). Perhaps in the next chapter we could follow Anna home, where she sees a photograph of her family (or some remnant of her past) and thinks again about her life in Sampson City. Anna's perspective of the baby, and of LP, has strong connections with the memories she has of her family and childhood town. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the interaction between her and the Red Cross Shirt guy. It seems realistic (and kind of ironic--he would only know if he had seen her as a client, right?). I also agree with everyone else, I'm glad that you started slowing things down and explaining the issues behind her "career choice". Nice job. I think you're right, the central tenants of this book would be Lady Pussycat and the dad, so the other knots are the ones that we can work on for now.
ReplyDeleteAgain, great slowing down of the story. I think maybe we could linger a little more on the Red Cross guy, but otherwise this installment has clarified quite a bit for us. Great work, Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI like the clarification. Things are clearing up. Questions still to be answered-
ReplyDelete1. Why the obsession with LP?
2. If she's a hooker, odds are she takes great pains to make sure pregnancy doesn't happen. What went wrong?
3. Does she search for LP because she's already in the nursing homes, or the other way around?
But for a first chapter, I think spending more time on her everyday life and getting to know her as a person is the most important thing right now.
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ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had her have an interaction with someone. . .I think we definitely need more of these. . . Also, do you think now we need to reflect back on the PussyKat character? I know she would be covered as the chapters progress, but maybe just a mention of her again. Why she was searching for her still needs some kind of clarification, so I agree with Alyssa with playing up that idea of the demeaning vs. empowering. This would ultimately lead to some revelation regarding the birth of her child, as well. Nice work, guys!
ReplyDeleteI'm in agreement with what seems to be the general thought here - very glad we slowed down the pace and introduced some human interaction here. I think it's starting to open up who she is and how she views the world. Now that we're getting this, I agree w/ Caitlin - I'm ready to hear about the PussyKat character and find out what the search is all about. Looking forward to the next post!
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