Anna could feel her phone vibrating softly in the front pocket of her jeans. She waited a few seconds to answer, liking the feeling of electricity on her hip.
"Hello?" Anna had to yell over the jostling noises around her.
"Anna? Are you there?"
Anna slowed her walk, inserting her pointer finger into her ear so that she could hear the person on the other end. She squeezed the phone closer to her head, her hoop earring making a soft indentation into her skin.
"Anna? It's Charlotte. You need to come home now. You need...you need to stop all of this."
Subconsciously, Anna adjusted the front of her blue coat, buttoning her tight pink blouse all the way up to her neck. She could feel Charlotte reaching out from the phone, all the way from Samson City, to cover up her sister's exposed skin.
Anna tried to talk past the dark lump now stuck in her throat.
"Charlotte, I can't. Not yet. It's too early to come back. I have a lot I still need to, um, do."
Anna walked over to the building and rested her head against the cool brick. She felt like a child again, just at the sound of her sister's voice. Anna slid her silver heels off of her feet, wanting to feel the dark pavement beneath her painted toes. She needed to know that she was in a city - her city - and not at home with Charlotte, on their shared bed, holding each others hands as their father tore through the house around them.
"Anna, you know you can't," whispered Charlotte. "You can't stay there looking for this woman who probably never existed anyway."
Anna took a deep breath, slowly letting it out through her lips as if filling up a balloon. She spotted a wad of gum on the steps next to her, blue and wet in the shadow of the building. Inching over, Anna placed her heel gingerly into the soft goo, enjoying the stickiness of it as she moved her foot from side to side.
She needed something to stick to in this city. She needed something holding her back, telling her that, for right now, she was where she needed to be.
"I'm sorry, Charlotte. I can't come home. Not yet."
Anna hung up the phone, and continued walking.
Oooh. Familial tensions. Nice touch, Chloe. I like the fact that her sister knows about LP but not about the pregnancy. I think it's going to develop and further complicate wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteI like that the fam is playing their card and trying to draw her back. You've got some really nice images going here. Needing something to stick to, for example.
ReplyDeleteIn the upcoming comments, can we talk about what we want her to do? She's been thwarted by LP, she has a baby in her belly she doesn't want, she clearly cares about her family, but needs a reason to stay. Chloe has done an excellent job of showing us the seed of doubt. It's time for Anna to react. We can't unwind everything, of course, but what does she do from her? What motivates us to keep reading to the end of this chapter, and then drawing us into chapter two. Does Anna go see Hudson? Is he okay with the fact that she's pregnant and she hasn't slept with him yet (Allie's post)? Does he hit her? Does she chunk something at him because he's nice about it and wants to figure it out? We've already said she can't meet LP in this chapter. We've also introduced several characters to work with... Who does she go to?
I like the imagery you use, Chloe, and also that you brought a sister into the picture. That was smart.
ReplyDeleteI suppose the baby could be the thing that's keeping Anna in NYC, symbolically representing that it's where she needs to be. That makes sense. I'm not sure exactly how the chapter should end, but I think that by the end, we need to know what she's planning to do about the baby and why.
I really enjoyed the imagery. You certainly have a very beautiful way of conveying even the darkest of moments: skillful. Also, I enjoyed the connection between the gum and Anna's stability: "she needed something to stick to in this city", even though it was gum she stuck to--something used, dirty, and seen as trash. Interesting metaphor. :-D
ReplyDeleteEven though I liked the addition of Charlotte, I think that's just one more knot, instead of explaining/illuminating what we know already. It sounds like even though Charlotte is both a healthy and restrictive force, Anna is still close enough to her to tell her about her pursuit of LP. I would like to get into that pursuit and what it really means for Anna. Also, I liked Alyssa's comment from before about mentioning the pregnancy ala Hudson (if that's who the father is) soon too.
Another knot, but also related to the family tensions we've already brought up. Not that LP is temporarily out of the picture, I think the baby is going to take center stage. Will she want her family to find out?
ReplyDeleteNice touch with the addition of the sister trying to bring her back to Samson City. I really liked your quiet moments here - the description of answering the phone, sticking her finger in her ear and feeling the impression of her hoop on her cheek and sticking her heel in the gum to stick to the city were such nice images.
ReplyDeleteI literally almost puked at the gum thing. GAG. I mean--I liked the imagery and symbolism, don't get me wrong...but yuckyuckyuck.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Michelle--where is she going now? I like the idea of seeing Hudson like some other people have mentioned.
Nice job Chloe. I like the family tension as well and feel that her sister's tug to get her home is a nice touch. (Love the "Something to stick" line.) I am in agreement with Michelle, I would love to see Anna react in an exterior way. She's under considerable stress, so I am thinking what would she do under stress? It's clear that she is used to "fleeing" the problem from her character development, i think. So would she buy a plane ticket somewhere? maybe she decides to hit the problem head-on? If she confronts it, does that mean that she would show up knocking on her door at home? Maybe she takes it out on hudson?
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ReplyDeleteSo, I'm pretty sure we need to start asking the question: Why is this baby so intolerable for Anna? Why does she need it to go away? Is it because of the ugly history with her mother and her mother's abusive lover? Is it because of her obsession with Lady Pussycat? Could she be in love with her (as Courtney hinted)? I think we should address this, even though this is a chapter of a novel.
ReplyDeleteThe conversation with Charlotte was great. I think it is interesting that in all of the familial violence or indifference we have encountered with Anna so far, there is a family member who is genuinely concerned with Anna's well-being. I am also wondering now about Anna's feelings for this baby, and what exactly it is that she hopes to gain from LP.
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