It wasn’t always supposed to be this way. Anna sat on the bus and wondered how she let herself get to New York City, alone, angry, and feeling betrayed by her own body. I feel dead inside and yet, I’ve got a baby growing, she thought, disgusted by herself. She knew she was meant for something bigger, something better. That’s why she escaped the small town life she knew back in Ohio.
“Whatcha got there kiddo?” said the old man at the corner drug store.
“Nothing,” Anna said as she tried to turn her back to his gaze, knowing she could be caught at any moment.
“Did your mom send you in here lookin’ for somethin’?” he said, as he got closer, bending over her ten year-old frame.
“No sir, I…uhhh…I…” stuttered Anna, looking for a way to dart out the backdoor and into the alley.
“Listen, little Missy, I know you put something in your jacket and I want it back, ya hear? Now, gimme or I’ll call Officer Lawford while you wait for your dad to come pick ya up. Is that what you want Anna?”
Anna took a small rectangular box from underneath her raincoat and shoved it in Mr. Jacob’s chest, looking down at her feet as she alternated her weight between them nervously.
“What the hell is this for…a little girl ain’t got no reason for somethin’ like this. What kind of mother would have her baby steal a darn pregnancy test from my store? Go on, git outta here. I won’t say anythin’ this time but don’t lemme see you in here again. You understand me?” said Mr. Jacobs with his stodgy, three pack a day rasp.
Anna ran as fast as her legs could take her, running down the darkly lit streets, not knowing where she’d go or what she’d do. She knew she couldn’t go home now. Her mother and the man who beat the tar out of her were there, going at it like always. He didn’t want any more children but her mother thought it would make him nicer. Anna sat on a dirty curb, waiting, praying that he’d stay out of her bed that night.
Hey guys! Sorry about running late. I had to call Jill and figure out how to actually post a new blog-a-ma-jigger on here. Thanks Jill. I hope that this clarifies 'some' stuff and will help the next person tomorrow. Again: please accept my deepest apologies! :D
ReplyDeleteThis was really great, but it made me really sad. I'm so glad that you gave some depth to Anna. I'd like to see this continue to develop in the next few installments. Nice job, Melissa!
ReplyDeleteWhoa - this shit just got real. I agree with Jill: we need more ongoing and/or past memories for Anna in the next few postings.
ReplyDeleteI think the inclusion of the flashback is good here, because it shows us another layer of Anna's character. I think in the next one it would be see Anna at home, in her own personal environment. I think that the violent father/step-father is essential to the story, because it shows us why Anna may have a certain opinion towards men now. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great flashback! It Definitely adds depth to Anna.do we want another flashback immediately? Can we put our finger on the main question we want answer in this chapter? We still have a ways to go. I didn't think about this before, but the coming writers might consider beginning a scee that will last through a few writers. This could be flash ack or present. Something to think about.
ReplyDeleteGreat depth, Melissa! I agree: we need some flashbacks to draw out further subconscious problems Anna has. Again, great work, Melissa!
ReplyDelete(Sorry this is late--I'm out of town and did not have access to a computer). I definitely agree with Michelle. . .I think because this is only the first chapter, we really need to slow it down and linger on a scene. . .I like how you answered why she left Ohio though. At first I thought, "She left because she stole something?" But then the BOOM hit when you revealed that she was abused by that man. . .Hence her continuous struggle with men.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, I love the flashback. I agree with everyone; it gives Anna more depth and explains some of the motivating factors. I was a bit confused by the fact that she was stealing a pregnancy test as a child. Are we to assume that she thought she was pregnant by her rapist prior to her current pregnancy? If so, then that makes the current pregnancy even more tumultuous because its tinged with abuse.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, great job with the flashback. It definitely helped provide some depth to the story. I'm hoping the next post will take us back to the current, slow the pace down and just give us a little more setting about her current life. I really like how you introduced the abuse as a motivator - this definitely makes for an interesting 'plot knot'!
ReplyDeleteWow, this flashback was great, but also very sad. I think this is a great introduction to her past life, and initiates an interesting ongoing explanation for how she ended up in a nursing home bathroom with a pregnancy test.
ReplyDelete