She had to wait a half hour for the next bus. By the time another came, the day was already fading and the bus was filled with people on their way home from work. She had to wait for several of them to stumble out before she could board. A balding man pulled a little kid with a backpack behind him, sadly moving towards the Golden Cherry. Anna wondered how it felt to live at the Inn—not visit, not work. She imagined that balding father going up to the man at the counter for the first time, and when he asked, “For an hour or for the night?” the father had to say, “I don’t know. A night for now. Maybe longer. Maybe forever.”
Anna sat at the back of the bus. It was awkward while she walked, every eye on the steps she took down the aisle, but once she got to her seat she could see everyone else. More families were there. One little Hispanic girl with braided hair was stuck in-between her mother and father. She must have been the running type. So many of the others were solitary parents—two rows in front of Anna was a mother with dyed blonde hair, the roots growing out, and a baby held casually over her shoulder, like a fashion accessory. The baby stared at Anna for twelve minutes, sucking on its hand and playing with its mother’s hair, until the bus reached Anna's stop and she stood quickly, almost running back down the
I especially appreciate that you stopped in the middle of a sentence. Yay for a continuing scene! Well done, sir.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job describing what Anna would be paying attention to on the bus ride, i.e. the baby, and the father dragging his son to the Cherry Inn. Perhaps the next post should include more information about a) her situation with the baby and what she thinks she's going to do about him/her (she's doesn't, of course, have to end up actually doing this, but she should by now have a good estimate about what her plans are), or b) finding out more information about LP. The best thing we can do for Anna right now is to ground her in a basic claim. Let's make her decide something, and watch her follow through on that decision. Good job!
ReplyDeleteAgreed - next poster, write something about her pregnancy! Oh Eric, only you would stop writing in the middle of a sentence; I love it. :-)
ReplyDeletePregnancy is right! I liked the image of the father with no place other than the Golden Cherry to stay for the night. I feel as though we're ricocheting from nursing homes to buses to golden cherry. Where should we take this action? It seems as though we're all trying to take Anna to different places physically, but we need to somehow address the pregnancy first.
ReplyDelete(Also, I don't know why I show up as "Gayrod" -- although I don't mind it. It's rather fun. I've tried changing Google settings, but apparently Google feels like being weird.)
I thought I already posted so sorry if I show up twice but maybe I never hit send. Anyway, nice job Eric - I'm the lucky next writer who gets to finish your sentence :) I'm writing about both the pregnancy and LP in the next post so hopefully it will come together smoothly!
ReplyDeleteI also appreciated your description of the father and son. I like to see that Anna has sympathy for people-that's she's not so hard and "too far gone". She's compassionate. I agree that we need to spend time on the pregnancy as well.
ReplyDeleteDude, for a second I was super confused with the middle of the sentence stoppage. lol. I actually think I logged on right after you posted, and then thought that the post didn't go all the way through. lol.
ReplyDeleteAnyways... nice job here, Eric. Some stellar insights with, "Anna wondered how it felt to live at the Inn" and the father's response to the question of staying there.
Looks like Dayna has her ideas ready to go! Can't wait to see some character action!
Eric, I enjoyed your attention to detail in this post and I'm glad you continued the scene. I'm excited to see how Dayna pulls us back into the pregnancy in the next section!
ReplyDeleteI also liked how you stopped in the middle of a sentence. I think your inclusion of the baby on the bus could provide a nice segue into Anna's thoughts on her pregnancy, whether in her own mind or in an act of relating her situation to someone.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the image of the baby. It really grounds the issue of maternity. I agree with DeElla; this could work well with Anna's internal conflict.
ReplyDelete